Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Kirby's Epic Porn

In a review for Kirby's Return to Dreamland, Richard George mentioned that Nintendo had done a lot of different gameplay styles with Kirby in the past few years. And you know what? He's right. While he may not be more diverse than Mario's non-traditional games (such as Kart racers and the Mario Party series), there's been a lot of different types of Kirby games. He was sort of a golf ball in Kirby's Dream Course, he was a Break Out ball in Kirby's Block Ball, he had a weird flying racing game called Kirby's Air Ride, then a Star Stacker. He also had a Puyo Puyo clone, a weird drawing game, and whatever the hell you want to call this. He returned to side-scrolling platform action in Kirby's Epic Yarn, but the graphics were weird, it was impossible to die, and he did not retain the popular enemy-copying abilities that started with his second game. Sure, there were a few more traditional Kirby games sprinkled here and there, including a portable remakes of Kirby's Adventure and Kirby Super Star/Deluxe, but a lot of Kirby's games have been highly experimental. This finally brings me to my point. Why not make a Kirby sex game? He's obviously got the mouth for it. Imagine our favorite pink puffer sucking and fucking his way through Wet Dream Land along with a female counterpart to collect pieces for an ultimate sex toy and defeat Kinky Dedickdick in an epic sexual battle. Let me be clear that I have no delusions about such a game being made. Still, it could be a real laugh riot at least.